The Great Maelstrom – Frozen Debate

September 24, 2014 Kungaloosh Radio

Red Sox vs Yankees, Republicans vs Democrats, Brits vs the French: nothing has ever amounted to the heated debate of online Disney fans regarding the Frozen overthrow of Maelstrom.

For the record, I didn’t like Frozen when it came out. I thought it was an “okay” movie and I found Olaf to be super annoying. But I do recognize the tremulously popular and financial cash cow that Frozen has created. Frozen is everywhere and there’s no stopping it! When the lines to meet Anna and Elsa were over three hours long, you know it was inevitable that Frozen was going to make its way into an attraction. But Norway and Maelstrom, really Disney??

The World Showcase is to “showcase” other countries culture. Yes, I realize that you can meet Alice in the UK or Aladdin in Morocco (even though Aladdin never took place in Morocco but that’s another story) but those are just meet and greet locations, nothing of any permanent nature. What’s the biggest structure? A sign announcing the character times. These are kinda “grab-n-go” variety of Disney character interactions that I can live with. Even the flip of El Rio del Tiempo into the Three Caballeros’ Gran Fiesta Tour still kept some integrity of Mexico’s culture. I mean Donald and Friends are traipsing around the real country of Mexico. It’s not like it’s a completely fictional country…

Which brings me to the real problem I have with Frozen. Arendelle is fictional kingdom. It doesn’t exist, it never has existed. Frozen isn’t even based on an old Norwegian tale. It’s Danish in nature (Hans Christian Andersen, anyone?). I know the film’s locations were inspired by Norway but that’s where it ends. Basically let’s take some background scenes of Norway, stick some animated characters and voila…you have a realistic “interpretation” of the country. Can you imagine being a cast member from Norway and having to answer all these questions about Arendelle instead of questions about their real homeland?

It’s a slap in the face. Sorry Norway, your culture is not fascinating enough without adding some Disney magic and fictional princesses. Maelstrom always seemed to be a popular ride. Cheesy, yes. Outdated, yes. But there was something to really love about having an 80s style troll command you down a drop. Yes, I even liked arriving back into the small fishing village. It felt like someone was going to come out and offer some lutefisk. And who didn’t take a picture with that weird wooden troll in the gift shop? This speaks so much to the love and culture of the Norwegian people. Now it will be filled with annoying boutiques to make your child a little Elsa or Anna and endless piano renditions of “Let it Go.”

Get ready for plenty of this when Olaf plushes are sold out.

But let’s also not forget the big reason this is a bad idea…there’s going to be a total kid overload. EPCOT still in my opinion is an adult’s park. There’s Food & Wine, Flower & Garden and drinking around the world… all adult activities. Now, good luck sneaking into Kringla Bakeri Og Kafe and grabbing some School Bread. It’s going to be packed with little Annas and Elsas, stuffed Svens and all the Olaf branded cupcakes, drink cups and souvenirs you can imagine.

Never wanted to punch a cupcake until now.

I believe the opening of Diagon Alley in Universal really shook Disney Imagineering to its core. For the first time in forever (yes, I went there), Universal now has the top attraction in Orlando as far as theming and guest experiences go. That was territory that Disney ruled for many years. If you break it down, people want to be immersed. Yeah the Seven Dwarfs Mine Train has amazing audio-animatronics but nothing beats the experience of walking into Diagon Alley and entering into Harry Potter’s world.

Keep the trolls, school bread, polar bears and vikings in Norway. Princesses, talking snowmen and blizzard-making powers need to stay in the Magic Kingdom.